um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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