Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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