Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
do herpes really smell.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
