I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
