Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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