My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
