Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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