I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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