the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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