fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so that wasnt chicken after all
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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