Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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