If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
