Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
