He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
