I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
