just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
