She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
