Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
