someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
