Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
