i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
