my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
