you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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