why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
