she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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