Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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