dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
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For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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