New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize