Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just found a bag of teeth...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
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