Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
