the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
