Little spoons don't ask big questions
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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