I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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