he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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