Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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