capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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