The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
