is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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