this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
