Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
