i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
