Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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