OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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