I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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