It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
