Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
