I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
