things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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