Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh god it's open bar.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
