1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
