so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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