the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
