I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
