We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
