Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
