I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
