I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
