Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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