shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
40s are totally the cure
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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