Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
