Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
