So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
