beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
