JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
