He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
