ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
