so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
