So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
