Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
