Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
