there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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