Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
