I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my liver is dry heaving
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
